6/6 Mourning Pages

Writing prompts to help you express grief. Today's topic: ceremonial spaces impacted by coloniality

TW: Mention of suicide, colonization, church, substance use and abuse

Today’s mourning pages prompts emerged from the deep gratitude and grief I experienced after a Temazcalli ceremony a couple of weeks ago. The word temazcalli means house of heat or house of hot steam in the Nahuatl language. In the United States, this might be looked at similarly to a sweat lodge, although there might still be different components for both. Various Indigenous cultures have held these types of ceremonies all over Turtle Island. This ceremony consisted of being in a dark underground structure, and bringing in hot rocks heated up by the fire outside, and splashing the rocks with water and herbs. This creates a vapor that heats up the space. It truly feels like being inside the earth’s womb. This ceremony felt very special to me because it was facilitated by Obsidian, a wise, caring, and empowering, 2Spirit person, and centered towards other queer people.

I will share with you what I wrote in my journal the day after the ceremony.

My journal entry

I woke up with a deep pain in my heart today. Grief and frustration take turns dancing on my bed as they wake me up. I attended a beautiful, empowering, and nourishing, Temazcalli ceremony yesterday. I felt so held and at peace in the mother’s womb. I got to help with fire keeping for the first time too. It was a great honor to offer my effort, strength, and the movement of my body in this way. Everyone in the ceremony was so supportive. This was a very special ceremony as it was facilitated and centered towards 2spirit, queer, trans, and gender expansive people. I felt in the present moment and so connected to the earth, myself, ancestors, my people, and the people there.

I felt so grounded and today I wake up and grief is already here. Grief, because this medicine isn’t as accessible. Because due to colonization, our ceremonies and our medicine has been impacted. Grief, because there is 2spirit and queer exclusion even in Indigenous and supposedly decolonial spaces. Grief, because my family and I did not grow up connected to the medicine of ceremonies. Frustration, because I grew up with limited spiritual tools from the colonizer’s church. Frustration, because I was indoctrinated with the church’s shackles of shame and guilt.

What could have happened if my dear uncle who died by suicide sat in a temazcalli ceremony or sat with plant medicine? What if my family wasn’t detribalized and had to assimilate? What if we were still connected to ancestral practices? Would the rampant substance use and abuse have been prevented? What about my father? Would he have released machismo? What about my mother? Would she have released purity culture? What if , what if, what if?!

And I realize that as sad as I feel, these emotions guide me towards finding more ceremonial spaces like these. Other emotions initiate me to facilitate my own ceremonies in eperson, connected to nature and each other. I look forward to whatever is created from this grief, frustration, and desire.

Writing Prompts

Before we start with the writing prompts, take another deep breath to soothe your body as you are about to face potentially challenging emotions. Check in and see if you need anything else. Perhaps water, tea, or warm blanket? Provide care to yourself.

Prompt #1

I invite you to grieve the ceremonial spaces the colonizers took from us. Express any emotions you feel about this through writing.

Prompt #2

Make space to acknowledge how coloniality shows up even in Indigenous spaces through the exclusion of 2Spirit, Trans, and Queer people.

Prompt #3

In what ways does coloniality show up in your body?

Prompt #4

Write about anything else you’re grieving or anything else that comes up for you.

Please do something to care for yourself after this expression of emotions. Here are some ideas:

-3 deep and slow breaths. In through the nose and out through the mouth

-Hold and caress yourself

-Listen to you favorite song

-Drink some water and ask the water to replenish you

-Go outside or stand by an open window and connect with nature

Do you need more help? I’d love to support you with a 1:1 Tending to Grief session.